And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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