I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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