dude i'm inner monologue high
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
