I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
