yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
