There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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