So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
