Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
