took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
