I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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