His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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