Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
