I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
