READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
