if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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