im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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