Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need water and some morals
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
