halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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