i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
