so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
