Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
