some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
