while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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