is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
