Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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