...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
