So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
