Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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