Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
