Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
