***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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