Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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