Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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