oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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