I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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