Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
