Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
