Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
