Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
