He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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