Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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