hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
