porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
