She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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