i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
