Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
