Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
