Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
