Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
