Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
a search helicopter?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
