Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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