If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am one with the molecules
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
